this evening
i sit
alone
in a corner booth
at the blue wisp
my favorite little
subterranean jazz spot
downtown
near the subway entrance
beneath a plume of staccato cigar smoke
perpetually swirling into your shape
i am dying discreetly
pulling and pushing your onyx ring
up and down my finger
looking for you
under every dark elegant hat
the trickle down my martini glass
is the sweat of your brow
hastened by the rumble
of the blue train overhead
candlelight casting
the shadow of your smile
across the white linen desert
stage lights
the stars between us
johnny hartman and john coltrane
playing
my one and only love
knowing
every note of it
is for us
i close my eyes in remembrance of yours
trying to find the way garnets give way to topaz when you laugh
allowing you to be my only dream
there is your face before me
in the moment we last touched
i could no longer tell if we were fighting or making love
slapping clawing and biting for a deeper taste of each other
leaving bruises the color of forever
tears adorn my cheeks as i reopen my eyes
to the lack of our tomorrow
oh but darling
we were perfect weren’t we
i’ve never been so close
just know
i am lost
wherever i am without you
i love you baby
just hold my hand for one more moment
before the memory fades
before we say goodnight