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before we say goodnight

this evening

i sit

alone

 

in a corner booth

at the blue wisp

 

my favorite little

subterranean jazz spot

downtown

 

near the subway entrance

 

beneath a plume of staccato cigar smoke

perpetually swirling into your shape

i am dying discreetly

 

pulling and pushing your onyx ring

up and down my finger

 

looking for you

under every dark elegant hat

 

the trickle down my martini glass

is the sweat of your brow

hastened by the rumble

of the blue train overhead

 

candlelight casting

the shadow of your smile

across the white linen desert

 

stage lights

the stars between us

 

johnny hartman and john coltrane

playing

my one and only love

knowing

every note of it

is for us

 

i close my eyes in remembrance of yours

trying to find the way garnets give way to topaz when you laugh

allowing you to be my only dream

 

there is your face before me

in the moment we last touched

 

i could no longer tell if we were fighting or making love

slapping clawing and biting for a deeper taste of each other

leaving bruises the color of forever

 

tears adorn my cheeks as i reopen my eyes

to the lack of our tomorrow

 

oh but darling

we were perfect weren’t we

i’ve never been so close

 

just know

 

i am lost

wherever i am without you

 

i love you baby

 

just hold my hand for one more moment

before the memory fades

 

before we say goodnight

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