today
would be your 73rd birthday
had you lived to see it
but we both know
it’s for the best
you didn’t
i spent the first three decades of life
with your absence
occupying the most space in my every room
but i am older and wiser now, daddy
and i have tasted your black pain
realizing it was a merciful death
you stopped hurting
yourself
and everyone who loved you
we learned
to ache for you in another way
but thank you for making it 44 years
and leaving me your swagger
you are the beautiful bastard
who put the wicked in my ways