janus smiles

the first morning of the new year
demands i take stock
of all my travels
around the sun
as janus smiles to a rolling stones song
even he agrees moonlight mile
is the best deep cut ever

i tell the old roman
this i know
the better a man wears a hat
the more fucked up he is
and he laughs

let me see
there’s the useless blue-eyed poet
who knocked me up at half-time
during a drunken super bowl
on a year my team wasn’t even playing

and the swaggering dick
who used to be a rock star
now living as a woman
except he can’t pull off androgyny
cuz he’s not beautiful like bowie
so it boils down
to old new jersey housewife

then there’s the one
who saw me run
screaming through the stained glass
of his victorian mansion’s door
saying fuck all
to white dresses and heavy yolks
sailing to greece
eight nights of channukah gifts
on top of my silly gentile christmas
and little italian sports cars
when he asked
if i would be willing to have
an organic vegan holistic
all natural drug free hoodoovoodoo
unshaved doula
chakra chakra
sanskrit wheat grass
water birth

oh my god no no no no

and california…
we don’t speak of what died in california
or his beautiful black eyes…

it’s somehow enough
that the man i truly want
but will never destroy with my love
occasionally gets drunk enough
to think of my face
in the middle of a tune
and long and long and long

i think it’s supposed to happen another way
but the older i get
the harder i bang my head
to a good song

to hell with it all

my hands are throwing
the whole shit load bag of bricks
down in a ditch

and

i’m starting a garage band