you were standing there
enjoying a cigarette
the orchestral way you do
as i came around the corner
i stood still to watch
the uprising
it’s a part of your machine
and i accept that
the consensus view is
if you quit now
you’d die of not smoking
never having expected
to see you again
it was all the more overwhelming
to find you looking so beautiful
succumbing to the desire
of examining every inch of your skin
to verify
it is
as i left it
i thought i loved you
but i realize now i didn’t
i wanted you to fuck me
every moment of the rest of our lives
the final glorious act
in the perpetual stage show
you are
we were
together
but don’t blame singing sirens
or my absent daddy
they can’t help being dead myths
on the contrary
it was how deep our tongues
were buried
in conversation
the way we instinctively knew
how to kiss
mouth to mind
bend me over and teach me
yes, all of that
but i didn’t love you
or our silver-trimmed matching sets
of unrealistic expectations
in fact i came to hate you
i’ve forgiven you
i’ve forgiven me
and the death
i chose to take up with
thereafter
but i’ll never forgive your mother
i now find myself
clear of mind
and intentions
if these things happen
they happen
immediately
you said
that being the case
and the blue of your eyes
withstanding
i promise to be a better me
and not to love you
the way wars make windows