I’ve done my share. Coast to coast.
I’ve done my share of poet husbands, too.
I’ve done my share. Coast to coast.
I’ve done my share of poet husbands, too.
a woman’s life
is too tenuous
delicate
billowy
spider web
close call on I-75
in preterm labor
on the way to the
Paris airport
in the rain
fragile
beautiful
precious
sacrosanct
finite
for bad friends
bad family
bad coffee
bad shoes
bad mattresses
bad jobs
bad husbands
bad debt
and bad dick
learn this by 30 for maximum
enjoyment
future
female
conquerors
of a dying planet
Back in 2012, when I had my first book release in Los Angeles, I had a crystal beaded necklace that pulled apart in my suitcase. It seemed wrong to rid myself of the estranged gems, and I harboured unlikely notions of restringing the beloved bauble one day. As I was packing to leave, some of the beads accidentally rolled under my voluptuous bed in The Biltmore Hotel. I suspect they may still be there, as things seem not to change much there, except the sheets, and I liked the notion of leaving a part of myself behind in the City of Angels.
The beads remained in my suitcase as I drove and flew to poetry gigs all over the country for the next few years. In keeping with the precedent set in Los Angeles, I started purposefully dropping them in places I stayed. I would toss the pea-sized stones into locations they were unlikely to be found: down antique brass filigree air vents in byzantine hotels, behind cabinetry permanently affixed, through imperfectly sawed holes cut for plumbing to climb and dive through plaster, beneath the loose floorboards of my friend’s apartment, into the chasms of airport elevator shafts. You get the idea.
There are pieces of my secret crystal beaded necklace hidden in Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Redondo Beach, Berkeley, Venice Beach, San Francisco, Oakland, Salt Lake City, Chicago, Cleveland, New York City, Elyria, Canton, Nashville, Lexington, Dallas, Cincinnati, and even pitiful Little Rock, Arkansas, a place I didn’t care for at all. I consider them amulets to protect people and cities with whom I fell in love, and talismans to keep away those whom I didn’t. The faceted baubles keep me tethered, connected through minutiae, in the smallest of ways.
More beads remain in my suitcase to this day, an impossible amount hidden within the satin folds, certainly a greater number than my finite crystal necklace was ever originally composed of. It is as if the universe is telling me that I have more journeys to take, love to make, and fine people to meet. So, if you’re staying in a heat wilted hotel by the Pacific Ocean, enduring a vaulted matchbox overlooking the Hudson River, standing by a tuneless luggage carousel, or renting a beautiful two bedroom flat nestled near Lake Erie, and a magical crystal bead finds you, that’s just me…and I’ll be seeing you.
he made it clear
with his cowboy smile
it was
okay to be myself
having
sweet tea in an irish joint
patrick’s roadhouse
green t-rex mounted on the roof
why the hell not
santa monica
pacific coast highway
a bust of rimbaud staring
at our obscene amount of french fries
we found ourselves eating in miss havisham’s sitting room
surrounded by
bric-a-brac of the damned
laughing at local customs
i decided
on my fifth trip to california
(terrestrial green valley
little indian girl that i am)
to give myself to the pacific ocean
for the first time
so
we stopped in santa barbara
i was only going to dip my toes in
kicking off my ballet flats
but i allowed the tide
to pull me out
again and again until i
fully clothed in blouse and skirt
walked into the sea waist high
edna pontellier awakening
with no desire to die
it was that moment
i felt pure bliss streaming
down in salt water tears
it was that moment
i was most alive
is a writer
without the capacity
for original thought
a writer at all
no tis
a coney island carnival barker
at best
selling second hand sideshows
tired hookers
and hoary oysters lacking pearls
screaming steam purled
from a concave chest
my stomach growls
for Kentucky cookin’
church pot lucks of the past
made by old pin curled women
in floral dresses
no longer living
laid out
upon Christian hobbled tables
beneath a giant oak tree
no longer standing
baked beans
macaroni salad
fried chicken
pineapple upside down cake
deviled eggs
damned fine eatin’
and believe you me
no one
can devil an egg
like a Baptist
forever keep the one
who insists
on picking you up
from the airport
this is
the love
of your life