I’ve done my share. Coast to coast.
I’ve done my share of poet husbands, too.
Tag: Humor
Categories
t’ain’t shakespeare, folks
i knew it was love
when i laid my head
on his lap
and he said,
“oh, that feels good,
my dick in your hair…”
Categories
the resistance
i’m moving to
south america
to fight
in the resistance
it’s not political
i just love wearing berets
my favorite feature of his
was his gargantuan scrotum
it was damned frightening
by god
like the vietnam war
every bit as hairy
and protracted
up until him
i had only seen that sort of thing
in a zoo
or an antique dentists office copy
of national geographic
Categories
glamour gal
i have the legs
of an angry ballerina
battleship hips
and stevedore arms
i laugh too loudly
but often cover my mouth
to hold the ecstasy inside me
i punched your uncle who was in the navy
at your christmas party
i spike my orange juice
with bourbon and honey
i’ve been known
to leave the house
wearing two different pumps
perhaps only one eye
of makeup done
vertigo
makes it so
i sometimes get dizzy when i’m driving
or wearing heels
and fall down
let us hope it’s a day
i have no panties on
i’m a poet
so i sit around
in the orange gloam
of after dinner evening
with other writers
coffee mugs in hand
discussing why it is
we haven’t slept
in years
and what it means when your piss smells
like a fresh roasted tanzanian nigerian blend
i can’t be anywhere on time
there exists a curve in my very existence
but i’m from the south
i do everything slowly
and with great deliberation
i masturbated in the tub once
and nearly drowned
such the glamour gal
we are edenic indeed
so before atom knocks up eve
please allow me to say
i’ve fallen in love with you
it is with a heavy heart
and precisely why
i must engage in this dire task
weaving this
cautionary tale for my unfortunate third husband
i am a
mother
artist
moody bitch
entitled
lush
lover
hostess
queen
bee
child
Kentucky girl
romantic
witch
hopeless
sharp
strong
revolutionary
suicidal
desperately punk
beautiful
woman who will never stop loving you
once i call you mine
As you head out into the whirl and rush of the big, bad Christmas shopping world, remember ladies…
Keep your car doors locked.
Never leave valuables or gifts in plain sight within vehicle.
Lock items in trunk.
Check under your car and the back seat before entering vehicle.
Use keys as a weapon if necessary.(Really, folks? Has any woman ever Freddy Kreugered her way through an attack successfully?)
Wrap your purse strap around your body 47 times.
Carry your credit cards in your bra.
Dress plainly.
Be aware of your surroundings.
Only park in well lit areas.
Don’t park in an area or parking garage that looks like some shit is about to go down like it’s a movie set.
Wear shoes you can run screaming in.
Carry a whistle.
Carry pepper spray on your key chain.
Leave your vagina at home while you shop.
Utilize safety in numbers.
Walk with purpose.
Check the homeland security color coded chart.
Avoid Cinnabon.
Don’t forget the wrapping paper.