more painful
than losing the baby
was watching you cry
and
me remembering
the November
your sweet excuse
for everything was,
“Hey, I’ve got a pregnant wife at home…”
Tag: Marriage
i walked into our backyard and spoke
to the witch hazel tree this morning
she was the closest woman i could find
beneath a sun that decided to shine
for the first time in a week
witch hazel calms angry skin
soothes redness and inflammation
her fleshy bark turned to me as i told her our story
though she already knew the words
she had felt the earth around her roots quake as i screamed
for the baby i tried to give you who is buried perpetually at our feet
for the day i walked out on you in a restaurant
to not hurt you with my sharpened tongue
i didn’t want to lash out at you for wounds i’m still nursing
that you didn’t inflict
the way you had the nerve to follow me
and when our eyes met
you smiled because you love my damaged heart perfectly
i told the witch hazel tree all of this
her buds bloomed yellow petals for an answer
right in front of me
-i love you, James
Categories
laces
even our shoes
sitting together
at the end of the bed
look in love with each other
only marry
the one
you wish to
destroy
slowly
oh fuck
he’s the johnny cash
to my june
i’m screwed
the hindu woman
avoids the utterance
of her husband’s name
because it is believed
each time she speaks his name
it brings him closer to death
i ask no forgiveness for
feeling silk wedding knots
wrapped around my throat
my pilgrimage to india
and saying your name in my sleep
we sew ourselves
to the expectations of others
with our bank accounts
towel racks
and arteries
faces melting
into an unreflecting pool
of lost identity
then spend our lives
doing the math
on the height of bridges
child support
the poundage of a squandered life
and how many refills remain
i fell in love with him as we rehearsed for a play my sophomore year
he was so significant
i still remember his confirmation name
anthony
he wasn’t my first kiss
but he was my first love
the not-so-good catholic boy
with whom i first went all the way
he gave me my only claddagh ring
on a hillside in ault park
still kept in a mother of pearl box on the dresser
i have refused all the other hand held hearts
bearing crowns
that came after
it’s easier not to care for whom you wed
he was 18
i was 15
that’s three decades to a teen
we were beautiful together
his blaze of red hair and irish smile
looked lovely beside
my dark island queen
we worshipped each other
we made stupid choices
we made love in places that defied
our anatomy and physics classes
within a year our words had destroyed each other
we exist an unused marriage bed
our unborn children grateful
they never endured our divorce
as am i
but i don’t regret a moment of him
yes, i still remember his confirmation name…
Categories
used cars
surely
a man married thrice
would have
by the fourth wife
mastered the dance precise
i’m looking for a reliable 70’s model ford
we are edenic indeed
so before atom knocks up eve
please allow me to say
i’ve fallen in love with you
it is with a heavy heart
and precisely why
i must engage in this dire task
weaving this
cautionary tale for my unfortunate third husband
i am a
mother
artist
moody bitch
entitled
lush
lover
hostess
queen
bee
child
Kentucky girl
romantic
witch
hopeless
sharp
strong
revolutionary
suicidal
desperately punk
beautiful
woman who will never stop loving you
once i call you mine