my father didn’t leave
a suicide note
but his abrupt departure
condemned me
to write thousands of them
in my head
Tag: Pain
Categories
check, please…
he asked if i
wanted dessert
my smiling lips declined
explaining
that i am saving room
for sins left
uncommitted
once you’ve been a mortician
you never stop thinking
or dreaming
like one
.
beyond exposure
to the harshest chemicals
in existence
it is the psychological blitzkrieg
that is the true
occupational hazard
.
i am plagued by dreams
of having to embalm
my dead since i was 6 father
his features i set perfectly
but his hands won’t take the fluid
they are a sick yellowish color
with blackened fingernails
the fingers spread apart
ghoulishly
implying
death is always
grasping coldly toward us
.
as for the rest of humanity
my eyes see them
as softened fruit
about to spoil
.
each day
has become a discipline
in attempting
not to think
this way
.
as i find life
in all its pain and glory
to be worthwhile
and of
unfathomable beauty
.
you are so beautiful,
it pains me
my friend
kindly
allow me to begin
by saying i love you
no
shut the hell up
don’t interrupt
i said
i love you
and what is a friend
but someone who volunteers
to take up our cause
someone who wants for our success
facilitates happiness
a partner in the pursuit
of wanton fulfillment
so may i suggest
we lace up our boxing gloves
and step in the ring together
yeah, buddy
we box the same weight
no mouth guards
as they are for literary pussies
we won’t block anything
as we unleash our demons
sweat stinging our eyes
bloody spray flying
as we pound truths into swollen lips
i want to punch you in the face
as you describe your mother
your teeth transforming into words as they fly
keep hooking me in the ribs
until i puke out my father
make it hurt
exquisitely
we’ll beat books
with unbroken spines
out of each other
you must know
i was only capable of loving you
because i hated myself at the time
who in their right would choose a yolk
of unjustified mistrust
degradation
and mutilation
i threw everything you ever gave me
off the terwelleger bridge
into the little miami river
drunk and laughing
at 3 o’clock in the morning
a fetid dump wasn’t good enough
that shit needed to see the ocean again
but i kept two things
a photo album you gave me
all pictures of you
kissing pictures of me
to remind myself that i did matter
i did have worth and always will
the face of evil must be remembered
to better warn the other villagers
and a copy of the only honest poem you ever wrote
three days after bloody sheets and hands
as two rivers converged in pittsburgh
“lift your cup to this immortal passing
this child of ours who will not every cry
then no tear is shed without love lasting”
that’s the only thing you ever did
that i don’t hate you for
our lady of perpetual sorrow
hear my prayer
as my need is great
it’s thursday night
there’s a bottle of wild turkey
pleading the fifth
on the night stand
lou reed is singing about berlin
from a warehouse in brooklyn
grant me strength
as i have one more night to spend
fighting the good fight
inside the devil’s head
before a flight back to sanity tomorrow
Categories
glam rock
i put on too much eyeliner this morning
as if my doing so
would keep my eyes from seeing
shut your naïve mouth
unless you’ve stood barefoot
on blood soaked soil
as red as the tomatoes you’re picking
with a wet rag
and a salt shaker in your hand
i have no interest in your pre-washed wisdom
thank you, motherfucker
for every second of the pain
each moment of humiliation
all the shit shivers of regret
scar tissue is the new black
we toughened bitches
have a way
of taking over the world
have you heard?